Where Am I?

Does anyone else just have no concept of time anymore? How is it May already? January felt like 10 years ago, did we even have a February? March was a lifetime and April only lasted a day....and now its MAY? Im 30 this month and I never in a million years expected to turn 30 like this. I've been looking forward to being 30 ever since I watch 13 going on 30 and I was going to get to marry Mark Ruffalo and have a pink house and eat nothing but Razzles for the rest of my life. But no. Its pandemic times, and while I did get my Mark Ruffalo, i am definitely without a pink house and Razzles! I keep getting caught between feeling annoyed that I wont get the 30th Birthday I always wished I would and feeling insanely guilty that Im feeling annoyed about such a trivial thing when people are in such deep suffering. I don't know how to process these emotions, and from talking to friends and family, no one does. This has never happened in our life time before. We are ill equipped to deal with this, in both the physical and psychological aspects. And I feel like I'm just spouting gibberish because I don't have a clue about any of this but I cant seem to talk about anything or to anyone without it coming up in conversation. It's the new normal...for now, and thats terrifying! So my 30th will come and go, Ill be sad because it wont be what I wanted, I wont see my friends and I wont get to do the things I had planned, ill probably cry. But then Ill remember that I'm safe, and healthy (I hope!) and that I got my Mark Ruffalo and Birthdays are just another day in the year. It's only getting older! In other Birthday news that is actually happy and very exciting...I have just sent out my VERY FIRST PATTERN TO TESTERS! Squeeeee! So far I've had nothing but good feedback concerning it, and my plan is to have it available to you on my Birthday! Im so effing proud of myself for writing a pattern. I honestly though it would be years before I started designing patterns and sending them off to testers. It was so much fun, and I cant wait to make another one. Im definitely going to start small and work up to the big things, so don't be expecting a jumper anytime soon! I just did a big yarn order, and I'm about to do another one, so I'll have some things to play around with when they arrive. I'm still not sure how I'm going to be releasing the Birthday pattern yet but keep your eyes peeled for updates here and on instagram. I hope everyones quarantine is going as well as it can and your keeping yourself and everyone around you safe. Ours has turned into finding reasons to NOT leave the house because we've turned into lazy slobs and I think my knees are actually petrifying from not using them. We did, begrudgingly, leave the house today though to get groceries so we thought we would play in the fallen cherry blossom which was really fun, if a little soggy! Other than that its been video games and crocheting pretty much every waking hour...